Second visit - 2.2.2008

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 05:34:10 +0100

I did it again. a visitor in my own domain. i was lost, and now i'm found; i'll be on track now on.

Last week end, i saw 4 and a half movies; back to back; it felt great after a looongg time. just letting the mind get entertained bedazzled by the colorful screen, idols and letting time go by, with no agenda.

this weekend, there're tasks. will do and have fun as well. began the weekend (read Friday)visiting Saumya for dinner - let my hair down so to say, dropped the guard and had fun.

current state - suspended between here & now and the immediate future...will explain when the time is right.

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in retrospect

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 10:08:12 +0100

28 December 2006 End of the year. A time to retrospect and take stock. There is a feeling of unrest within. Yet calm. My normally buoyant spirit has abated. Sustained by a stay order. Held in check. Irrevocably shown its place by the door. Will it flag or will it bounce back? Is this ?held spirit? with the power of silence a better way to exist? Perhaps this is the message for the year ahead. Be wise in the power of silence.

Life teaches us many lessons. Each day is a renewed learning ground. Each night as well. The dreams we dream are wrapped in the expectations, joys, sorrows and hopes for the morrow; cushioned in the known and unknown wonders and dejections of yesterday.

The spirit holds the key to the quality of life we live each day. And living with awareness, and knowing each moment and action of the day is good? Yes, it is good. But my heart is heavy now, with experience. It is joyous for what was. It sorrows for what will unbe. It roams in memories too and is grateful when it pauses at happy instances, and checks the pace at the ?celebrations? of departed souls. Indeed that is what they are ? celebrations of their times on this earth.

2006. Pluto. Ashamma. Dad. Ravi reddy. Mansabdar kaka. Ramanna uncle. Have I forgotten any more close? Next removed, there are. Yes. Arrivals and departures. Let us not sorrow their departed souls lest they sorrow our sorrow. Let us remember and be glad and reinforce our dedication to our own better health ? so that we live healthier and fruitful lives for our children. Let us not bequeath responsibilities and liabilities alone to them. Nor also heavy hearts and minds.

my heart is full of sorrow. Laden like a prospective cloudburst. Just awaiting a hint of a hillside to downpour. 'Twill lighten the mind and all the arteries and veins and nerves as well. Actually, beginning with the nerves I guess. Should keep the hypothalamus in check. It overworks itself. Yesterday, I cried viewing Zindaggi Rocks. I need some cerebral stimulation. A distraction. To keep my mind checked, in focus. Didn?t i tell you life is all about relationships and how we handle them?? Say that again. Why does my heart leap and pause this way? Why does my face mirror my feelings? Schooling my features with discipline. Orchestrating it with melodramatic emphasis also fails. The mask slips. My face still reveals my leashed spontaneity. I am tired of the emotional trials. Frayed and tattered. Soiled and spent. Need to rest. Soak the spirit in balm and shine. In freedom from fetters and chains. Of restrictions and routine. Let it be free. Not bridled by the 'right way' in life. Always, the right way. The duty calls. I am someone else. Me. And I. Always dichotomy.

I'm on the brink of a downpour. Need time to get over. I have an ego? Yes. In my own way. Do not like to be pointed out my errors. I accept the finger pointing. Justified. Comes as a blow, yet I was expecting it. It's the horror of actuality. How then do the others feel? They must be so much sturdier than I to withstand. Hats off to them! Why am I wincing? Because I am my own critic. That's why.
Is it about child, parent and adult ego states? In some way, it is.

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strained verbiage

Mon, 08 May 2006 19:17:35 +0200

yeah, it's a long time, and i rediscovered this abandoned blogsite rummaging thru the net for my own droppings...amazed i was.

tis late. nevertheless, lest i swerve in direction and lose it again. i pamper the fingertips and allow another verbal deluge. strained verbiage. yet a necessary outsurge. drip, drip, drip, tap, tap, tap. bouncing off the keyboard onto the screen. to be posted for eternity. and the whole world at large to view. read, assimilate, discard. at will. no compunction.

and i shall be at it again. drooling over the tappity keys. once again. rejoicing over a newfound toy.

iamvira.

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aMusings

Second visit - 2.2.2008

in retrospect

strained verbiage